Bankers rhymes with... **** with good reason

I am slowly being driven insane by the banking system in this country.

Due to reasons too boring to go into here - I don't have a bank account. Up to know it's not bothered me too much – it's been an inconvenience certainly – but I've muddled through somehow without one for the past few years.

Now very recently I've come into a modest inheritance – so I have some actual money I need to put into a bank. Now you might think that in the current economic climate any bank would be desperate for any customer with a bit of money. Oh, but you'd be wrong. Very wrong. Because I haven't had a bank account for so long - it turns out I haven't got a credit rating. Big surprise there. But without a credit rating – a bank won't give me an account. Yes, it turns out you pretty much need a bank account to be able to er, open a bank account.... go figure!

Let's let this sink in... I haven't got a credit rating – well, because I haven't had a bank account for a while. So they won't give me a bank account because I haven't got a credit rating... Now I could understand this if I was asking for a mortgage or a loan or even a credit card – but no, all I want is a current account.

OK. So after being given the run-a-round – it turns out there are these super basic bank accounts you can get – they're really there because our government in it's 'wisdom' (*chokes*) has decided to phase out the old Giro cheque you used to be able to cash at a Post Office - so if you're on benefits you get one of these basic accounts and the Government pays the benefits straight into that account. [An aside – it used to be the case that when you signed on – an actual real life physical cheque would be posted to you and reach you 3 days later. But in this fast modern electronic world – where you would think it could reach you – at least the very next day – but no, instead it takes a whole day extra! No, I have no idea why this should be.]

Anyhow – I apply in one of these high street places for their basic account. I take in my proof of ID and utility bills to prove my address – only to be told it takes up to a MONTH to set up the account! Jeez what do they find to do in a whole month? But regardless - I put the paper work in – and the next day knowing I couldn't possibly wait that long went over to another bank – where I was told it would only take 7 to 10 working days. I applied for their basic account. Thinking at the worst having two accounts can't hurt.

Turns out it was just as well I did because to add insult to injury I received a letter today from the first bank saying they were unable to process my application – because I hadn't indicated whether I was a bankrupt or subject to an IVA. (Whatever that is.) Er, but when I handed the form in – it was to a member of staff who checked it over before taking it from me – if there was anything missing on the form – she would have told me there and then. So I believe they are lying – and because they think they're dealing with a unemployed person they don't care if I have an account with them or not (they don't make a profit from these accounts). But they expect me to go in and reapply and wait ANOTHER MONTH for them to get their act together... Er, I don't think I'll be doing that somehow.


And this has been only a part of the hassles I've had trying to open an account – there was another story where a staff member was on holiday for a week – so couldn't see me... and blah blah blah. Oh it's just frustrating to relate - and is all doubt to ass-hat incompetence.

So at the end of the day I am not in the least bit surprised that the banking system is in such a deep,deep crisis – it's obviously run by a bunch of complete brain-dead chimpanzees who couldn't find their own arse with both hands and a map...

Once (maybe that should IF) I ever get access to my own money – I'm not sure I'll want it sitting in a bank account. I might be better off keeping it under the mattress!

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